There is something I have been thinking about for a long time: Why do we sometimes treat other people so badly?
We encounter people every day, yet we know almost nothing about what is happening inside their lives.
The person who seems impatient in the checkout line may be dealing with a sick spouse. The person who doesn't smile back at us may be carrying an enormous burden that we know nothing about. The coworker who seems distracted may be worried about a child. The neighbor who doesn't return our greeting may simply be having one of the worst days of their life.
And sometimes, of course, people really do behave badly. They can be rude, selfish, judgmental, dishonest, dismissive or cruel.
But here's the thing I've learned over the years:
We don't have to respond to someone's bad behavior with bad behavior of our own. We can choose something different. We can choose patience. We can choose understanding. We can choose compassion. We can choose to give someone the benefit of the doubt. We can choose kindness.
Years ago, I came across the words in the image accompanying this post. I shared them on Facebook on August 13, 2019, and I still believe they are every bit as meaningful today:
"If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care."
I wish we really could look into one another's hearts. If we could, I suspect we would discover that many of the people we encounter are fighting battles we never knew existed. We would see the loneliness behind the smile; the fear behind the anger; the sadness behind the silence, the exhaustion behind the impatience, the insecurity behind the arrogance, the pain behind the words that sometimes hurt us. And perhaps, knowing those things, we would be a little gentler with one another.
I am not suggesting that we should allow people to abuse us or take advantage of us. There are times when we must establish boundaries. There are times when we must walk away. There are times when we must stand up for ourselves. But even then, we don't have to become cruel in the process.
Life is difficult enough without making it more difficult for one another. A kind word costs very little. A little patience costs very little. A smile costs nothing.
Forgiveness can be difficult, but it can also free us from carrying anger around inside ourselves. And sometimes the most important thing we can give another human being is simply the feeling that someone sees them, someone hears them, and someone cares.
As I look at the world around us, I sometimes wonder what would happen if we all made a conscious effort to treat people a little more gently, not just the people we love, not just the people who agree with us, not just the people who are kind to us. Everyone. Because every person we meet is carrying a story. And we usually don't know what that story contains.
So perhaps the next time someone is rude to us, instead of immediately asking, "What's wrong with that person?", we might ask ourselves: "I wonder what that person is going through."
That one small change in perspective might make all the difference. We cannot change the entire world. But we can change the little corner of it that we occupy. And maybe that's where we should begin.
Treat others gently ... with love, patience, tolerance and care. Because we are all human beings trying to find our way through this complicated thing called life. And, in the end, we need one another far more than we sometimes realize.
